I-Don't-Care Curtains a.k.a. Patchwork Curtains

You lookin' at somethin'?!

*Warning: You know how I said my cats are incorrigible? You're about to learn why in this post*

So I've been moving along with The Girl's bedroom. She wanted mismatched textiles and mismatched-but-sorta-coordinating-because-I'm-anal textiles is what she'll get! I wish I could tell you that this is a tutorial. But then I'd be a liar. And nobody likes liars. And I want you to like me, because I like you! But anyway, a tutorial it is not! And that's because 1. I suck at math; my skills are embarrassingly poor, 2. I didn't really know what I was doing, and 3. every time I asked her opinion on anything about the curtains, she answered, "I don't care." Well, sh*t. Neither do I then. So I figured I'd just wing it!

I gathered some material and scraps I already had (I'll admit, hippies are the LEAST expensive decorators and I can totes get on board with that!), cut out some big square and rectangle shapes, and assembled them thus:

Hey. Hey, guys? I'm going to need those...

Ok, so I did use SOME measurements. I knew I wanted (needed?) a shade rather than traditional curtains for two reasons. Her room is on the second floor and, despite the central air, is UN-frickin-bearable, so she's got a window unit, too. So I needed curtains that wouldn't block the ac. SHE needed (wanted?) the curtains to block the sun in the morning. If I'd made panels, she'd need to close them at night, blocking the ac unit OR leave them open and risk the sun shining in. And we couldn't have THAT *eye roll* So I decided to make a single, tie-up curtain. That meant the finished curtain would need to be the same size as the window (67x37") so my raw measurements needed to be *somewhere* around 75x41" plus seam allowance for EACH square. That's when I was like, "WHY DID I TELL HER I'D MAKE THEM?!" To avoid having to do more math, especially considering the blocks were different shapes and sizes, I just overlapped them as I put my little curtain puzzle together to account for allowance, and continuously measured the overall length and width. I was just wingin' it all the way! Eventually, I needed to move to the floor because the table wasn't big enough. And lemme tell you how fun THAT was:

Ok, so that is kinda cute, but also a huge pain!

You're probably wondering what's going on in the picture above. Or you're a quilter and you know exactly what that is. That is smaller, odd-sized blocks sewn together to create larger, less odd-shaped blocks. Eventually, those larger blocks get sewn together to make the completed projected. I imagine this is an actual technique. But I'm NOT a quilter, so I don't know what it's called or if it even exists. It's just the only way I COULD sew some of it together if that makes any sense. Anyway, it ends up looking like this in the end:

I decided it wasn't gypsy-like enough and it needed something else. I ended up taking one of the sheer panels she already had hanging and cut two more rectangles from it. I attached beaded trim to each, hemmed the edges using a BAZILLION pins, and attached them to the curtain by ONLY sewing along the top edge. Now they flutter.

Lookit how the trims don't match each other! I had a breakthrough, yous guys!

I did line the curtain with some off white fabric I already had from another (although unfinished) project. There's probably a proper technique for that I ignored, too. I just hemmed the bottom of the lining, then sewed up the sides of the two pieces (right sides facing).

While admiring my handiwork, I saw this:

There was NO way I was ripping the seams out of four squares to fix that. So I improvised. I cut a square out of the peace sign fabric:

Ironed on some fusible web:

Cut the peace sign out with my trusty Xacto knife (while MAYBE pretending to be a surgeon) and scissors:

And ironed that bad boy right on there:

Will it last forever? Probably not. Will it do for now, until she decides to redecorate? Probably.

For the ties, I dug out an old scarf of mine with silver thread through it and tassels...and cut it up. This part hurt a little bit, actually. But in reality, I almost NEVER wear that scarf. 

So I took each strip, sewed it into tubes, and attached it to the top of the curtain at the same time I attached the rod pocket. I hung them just to be sure they fit, but not on the actual rod we'll use, or even inside the window as I intend for them to be mounted. But here's your peak at it before it's installed properly!

It MOVES!

So, they turned out fine, but I'll be honest, I'm not sure I'd attempt something like this again with the different sized blocks. Maybe there's an easier way (it probably involves math, though) that I'm unaware of. If there is, and you know it, PLEASE share it with me! I love the look, but won't do it again without instructions!